Miss Applesassy is sympathetic to the plight of so many who are forced to dust off their old resumes in these tough economic times.  If you are a job seeker, take heart, and know that often when one opportunity ends, it is in fact a gift, and a chance at a new beginning.  With that in mind here are a few resume writing tips to help you prepare for the journey:

1) When writing a resume, keep it to one page.  If you need a second page for references or educational information, that’s fine, providing you are applying for a job that requires extensive specialities, and you have the background to require that extra ink, but for most of us, one page is the limit.  And when Miss Apps says one page, she means one page in twelve point standard type with plenty of white space.

2) Take some time to reflect on your passions.  If you could create your perfect future, what job would that include?  This is so important.  If you love animals, for instance, and love spending time at your local zoo, then work in this field would not seem like work at all for you.  Remember the old saying that if you do what you love you will never work a day in your life.  It’s true.  And it makes you a better employee.  If you love your work, you are going to show up everyday, on time, (or even early) ready and rearing to go.  You will be a happy person, a pleasure to work with, and an insparation to those around you.  You will be eager to learn new skills, and as a result will quickly earn promotions.

3) Think about all the possible job opportunities related to your passion.  I could think of a million things related to animals.  Feed stores, Zoos, Pet stores, Environmental groups, Wildlife Rehabilitation Centers, Animal related publishing companies, Veterinarian offices, Vet supply companies, University Husbandry Programs, State parks, etc.  Then think of all the different jobs these organizations hire for.  They need everything from grounds maintenance, to secretaries, to office workers, to animal care workers to public liaisons, to ticket takers, to bookkeepers, to administrators, computer experts, PR people,  marketers and more.  Where do you fit in?  What skills do you have that they might need?  What departments could you get in on that will put you in contact with mentors who will help you reach the next level on the road to your dream job?  Answer these questions before writing your resume.  Then use your resume to sell yourself to the people who need you in the job field you want.

4) When writing your resume, avoid overly used cliche words. Real Simple magazine has a list of “the six most highly abused phrases on resumes and profiles, according to research by LinkedIn, the professional networking site.”

The words they suggest you avoid are:

• “Proven track record”
• “Problem solver”
• Fast paced”
• “Due diligence”
• “Cutting edge”
• “Results-oriented”

In addition, while women tend to overuse “attention to detail”, men apparently do quite a lot of “disaster recovery.”

If you litter your resume with these cliches, you are wasting the valuable real estate space on your one page of self advertising.  Make every word count.  Tell the reader what you have done in the past.  Give them a real example.  Instead of hollow hyperbole about “having a proven track record as a results oriented problem solver” say “I took a $4000.00 budget and used it to create an advertising campaign that brought in $15,000 dollars worth of new business.”

That is something any employer would want to hear.  That is something that adds value to their mission.  And that is what is going to get you the job.

Good luck, and happy resume writing to you all.  Miss Applesassy sincerely hopes you land the job of your dreams.

So off we went in a whizzing whirling puff of dust to New York City 1950.  We met up with a shy and mostly unknown Welsh poet who just arrived in The States for his first book tour, a gentleman by the name of Dylan Thomas.

Poor lad, he was not long for this world, and suffered much from his affections with the drink, but he did indeed leave us some lightning in his words.

Do not go gentle into that good night
by Dylan Thomas

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

In addition, readers are fickle.  They scan headlines searching for something of interest, but statistically only read beyond the lead about twenty percent of the time.  This means as a writer, if you want to be read instead of dead, you’ve got to grab em fast.

To construct a proper post, open with a sentence explaining the point  lickity-split, then follow it with three supporting ideas, and close by re-stating the lead.  When you are done, write a headline that boils it down to a short phrase.  Do not stray from this formula, and your blog will be a success.

Opening with a strong lead and a clear title has the additional benefit of building trust between the writer and the reader.  People don’t like to be hoodwinked or led down the garden path thinking they are reading about one thing, only to find the story curve off into a completely different direction.  (Not unlike my dear aunt Tootie does when she comes for Thanksgiving dinner and talks about cousin Myra who married that fella from the bayou who ate a bat last Easter after little Jenny got saved.)

If you tell readers exactly what you are writing about, they will come back for more.  If not, you’re doing your blog more harm than good.

How many times have you found yourself surfing the web only to come across a confusing post?  You read the headline, scan down a paragraph or two and still find yourself thinking “What exactly is this about?”  You then look to the sidebars for clues, and maybe even stick around long enough to investigate their “about” page to figure it out.  Ultimately you click off, unsatisfied, and unwilling to return.

Maybe that post had a point, and maybe it was a good one, but the reader will never know because the writer killed his “cred” when he buried the lead.

In this post, John Tepper Marlin reports on the rising use of Twitter with this gem of grammatical genius:

I do a Google search and find Twitter users exceed 200,000 per day, firing out 3 million Tweets – a mind-blowing average of 15 Tweets per Twit. It’s like the invention of the machine gun. No one is safe any more.

“15 Tweets per Twit.” Good-Google, that’s Funny!

Note the double meaning of the word “Twit”.  The use of such phrasing is the art of comedy, and what separates a good writer from the rest of the keyboard monkeys out there.

The Free Dictionary defines such a phrase as within the realm of Double Entendre:

A Device of deliberately using an ambiguous word or phrase, that often has a coarse or indelicate connotation.

Things like this are subject to much worry for marketers.  Twitter may indeed be the hottest social networking trend of 2009, but how long will it last, if users decide they prefer not to be associated as “Twits”?

In retrospect, maybe “Witter” would have been a better name.

That is the key to the art of writing: EDIT, EDIT, EDIT.

One of my favorite scenes from the Robert Redford film A River Runs Through It starring Craig Sheffer, Brad Pitt, and Tom Skerritt, involves the boy learning the art of writing from his father.  The child comes into his fathers office with his essay, standing at attention while his dad attacks the paper with bold strokes of his red pen.

“Again, and half as long.” The commanding Minister says as he hands the mangled mess back to the boy.  This process repeats several times throughout the day, while the child pines for freedom, sunshine and fishing.

Eventually, with barely enough daylight to spare, his father is pleased, and the boy bounces out of the house with pole and pale in hand, free at last to roam the banks of the river he loves.

EDIT, EDIT, EDIT, then reap the wondrous rewards.

For a good read, check out A River Runs Through It by Norman Maclean

Miss Snarks dog Killer Yap

For anyone out there who ever dreamed of writing a book, Miss Applesassy suggests, there is no better place to learn than in the shark tank.  Query Shark is a simple little blogspot blog run by New York literary agent Janet Reid.

But be warned, the shark tank is a dangerous place to play.  On her blog, Reid invites wanna-be writers to “be her chum,” and send in query letters for critique.  (When Miss Apps says critique she is being polite.  She means watching these writers have their hard work publicly torn to pieces in a bloodthirsty feeding frenzy or brutal truth and sharp tongued wit. )

Reid began her sadistic quest of shooting writers with her “clue gun” on another blog called Miss Snark.  At the time, she was blogging incognito.  Everyone knew she was an agent, but the mystery of who she actually was kept us all guessing for quite some time.  On the Miss Snark site Reid identified herself as an agent living in the 212, swilling bathtub gin with her manuscript chewing dog Killer Yap, and “venting her wrath on the hapless world of writers and crushing them to sand beneath her T.Rexual heels of stiletto snark.”

Both blogs soared in popularity almost instantaniously.  With drawing power like that, Reid would be wise to take some advice from Miss Applesassy, move her blog to WordPress.org, and add a little advertising.  That blog could be a gold mine.

“One hasn’t become a writer until one has distilled writing into a habit, and that habit has been forced into an obsession. Writing has to be an obsession. It has to be something as organic, physiological and psychological as speaking or sleeping or eating.”
– Niyi Osundare

In order to write a successful blog, and by that Miss Apps means a blog that other people actually read, one must post regularly.  Subscribers need to know what to expect and when to expect it.  Ask any paper boy and I am sure you will hear an avalanche of stories about angry customer assaults from people who expect their morning news to arrive at a set time each dawn.  Miss Applesassy is one of those people.  While kind to a fault to her news carrier, she does indeed become irritated when said paper does not arrive.  That paper is part of her daily routine, and her morning constitution depends on it.  So while she would never accost her carrier or chase him down the street dressed in robe and furry slippers, she does appreciate regularity.

Blogging is a daily discipline.  To earn reader trust, the blogger must make a commitment to publish a paragraph every day.  This is a contract between the loyal reader and the author.  They promise to engage if the writer fulfills the promise to produce.

For writers, this discipline is divine.  It forces a daily workout, warming up the grey matter, practicing the prose, and the habit of pumping out those paragraphs. I am quite convinced this routine was key to the success of many writers, like Hemingway for instance.  Miss Applesassy actually met him once when H.G. dropped in with that silly time machine of his.   It was a cold, grey snowy day, so we hopped in his whirlybird and went to Key West.  Papa H. was there at the bar as usual.  The man was such a sot.  But he was a writer, of that there is no doubt.  In spite of his tendencies for trouble, Ernest made sure to put “Butt in Chair” and output pages for a minimum of eight hours a day, EACH AND EVERY DAY.  He himself said that eighty percent of what he wrote was pure drivel.  It was the commitment of time that made all the difference.

Publishers Marketplace is one such cyber-pub, and Writers Market is another.  The Writers Almanac is delivered to Miss Applesassy’s in-box every morning.  It is an absolute favorite of many, including The Divine Miss Snark.  Several good writers hang their hats over at The Red Room, including Miss Applesassy’s good friend Ericka Lutz.   Ericka writes a monthly e-zine called Red Diaper Dharma which I highly recommend.  She is an author, consultant, teacher, mother, and the granddaughter of the famous feminist writer and activist Tilly Olsen.  This gal surely made her Granny proud.

Author Ericka Lutz

Applesassers with additional writer links are encouraged to post them here.

Right next to that little gem on your shelf should be the Grand Bible of the publishing industry The Chicago Manual of Style by the  University of Chicago Press Staff (Editor).  According to Publishers Weekly,  “Countless publishing professionals have learned the details of their business from this classic guide for publishers, editors and writers.”

The third book on Miss Applesassy’s recommended reference list is specifically for those of you writing for the web and using Social Media.  The Public Domain: How to Find and Use Copyright Free Writings, Music, Art & More by Stephen Fishman.  A most handy helper for those engaged in the art of proper netiquette etiquette.